4/16/2020
IM WALKING, IM WALKING... Hi there, it has truly been a while since I last wrote on Radically Carolyn. There has been so much that has went on since December but I AM HERE! I am so thankful that God gave me the desire to write on this type of platform, I am grateful for this..even in its current state. Let ME TELL YOU! How I have been encouraged by Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts, she is literally one of the most influential pastoral figures in my life, I caught on to her by a friend who introduced me to the Woman Evolve Ministry. When I watched the conference which spoke a lot to my broken pieces and my EVE. I was so blessed and decided to give her another try, and I've been following her ministry ever since! About 30 minutes ago, I happened to click on The Potter's House at One LA's Thursday Service, and I was blown away. I have done this plenty of times but this sermon really, really spoke to me and produced some fruit! The sermon is called from Weeping to Walking and centralizes the story of Mary weeping at the tomb upon her visit, than after encountering Him, in a different way, she ended up walking to the next destination. Some of the fruit from the message is being manifested as I am typing right now, I am set free from so many things that have been really weighing on my heart lately and especially one of the biggest fears I have had, which is being alone again. Being in a place where I feel misunderstood and just lonely is something that I went through during a very beautiful consecrated season I had with God which lasted about 6 months. I needed that season and needed to learn how to connect with God and throw away the judge perspective that I had of Him, and become familiar with the Father in Him. In that time, I was fragile and so new to God, I experienced Him in a way I never had, and the best part is, I had NO DISTRACTIONS, including friends. I learned to sit alone and I grew to accept it and know that it was best, however I struggled because I did not feel like those around me understood where I was with God at the time, which was uncomfortable at times. I would often pray for even just one friend that could understand me and spiritual things that I had learned. Before I knew it God had fulfilled that prayer 10 times over! However, this season my rhythm was changed, as Pastor Sarah Jakes put it. I wrote down a very profound point she made as she was talking about what Jesus had done when Mary Magdalene went to embrace Him after He resurrected. Jesus told Her not to cling to Him, because He had not yet gone to heaven, but to go and tell the others what she had seen (John 20:16-18). Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts (SJR) said, "He doesn't take you back to what was, He takes you to what you could have never imagined" and THAT was powerful, because, as SJR explained, before Mary Magdalene was used t0 simply witnessing things that Jesus had done, also having access to Him one particular way, but once He resurrected, she could no longer access Him like she used to. She could no longer just stand around, and witness what He had done. He said no, and told her to "go" as in, go and tell the others, and for the rest of her life go, and do, not just witness, what Jesus had taught her. In my case, the season I had just left felt very similar to this explanation. SJR also mentioned in her sermon (Prophetically) that there was a season where God exposed us to things; showed some of us things, and now the very rhythm, that He began He is breaking, for new things to happen, especially growth. The underlying theme of this sermon believe it or not was the beauty in suffering, as I have come to call it. SJR began talking about the passion of Jesus toward us. SJR breaks down the word passion, and explains that passion is not really about emotion, less to do with what makes you feel good, and more to do with what you are willing to suffer for. This spoke volumes to me, she asked about friendships, relationships, etc. and basically asked us to examine those things and ask ourselves what are we willing to suffer for, and have we been suffering from things not worthy of our sweat, basically. There are plenty of relationships and even jobs that we suffer for, but its not worthy of the suffering and pain, especially because God had not called you to some of those things, or the manner in which you are operating in those relationships or occupations. Some people and things, have to go and although that can be hard, it is needed! SJR goes on to proclaim that if we suffer for anything, heaven better be waiting on the other side of it! The point she was making was this, do not cast your pearls among swine and do not to cheapen your suffering, which I thought was an excellent point. Also, God will guide us and give us wisdom when we are making those decisions and examining our hearts on that matter. The Holy Spirit really used her tonight, and I am grateful, she ended with a prayer to God (she asked participants) to repeat and basically prayed for forgiveness for giving up, and complaining when He says no. SJR also made a point, during her sermon, that God doesn't just say no, there is a "but" after that, He gives direction. Just like He did with Mary Magdalene, He told her no, but He wasn't rejecting her, He was introducing her to another level of glory in Him. This is exactly how I feel, there has been a change in rhythm and God has definitely taken away things that He began, but after SJR's sermon I know in this season that "The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us"(Rom 8:18 ESV). That is a verse she also used in the sermon. I am getting back in the game with Radically Carolyn. I definitely gave up on my vision for this blog , especially when I had been writing for sometime and it had not really shown any signs of growth, but I am not giving up this time. God has spoken to me and I will continue to write. God has been telling me to write for such a long time and has given me a natural desire and love for it. In closing, if you want to find your passion, first ask yourself "what am I willing to suffer for?" and if the passion still isn't there, SJR explained, to ask God what would make this worth it? because sometimes we cannot see it, whether it be marriage or a relationship of any kind, a job, etc. Sometimes we can not see the worth in suffering for those things, and we need God to help us see it and sometimes to walk away from it. The sermon is called "From Weeping to Walking". I hope you will watch it and be blessed! Radically, Carolyn P.S. Thanks so much for reading! I ask that you pray for me as I continue to heal and even suffer/persevere through some of the rhythm changes this season. I will pray for you! Whatever you are asking God to heal you from, be honest, be vulnerable and then allow God to break you free from it. Breaking hurts but it's worth the suffering because heaven is definitely waiting on the other side of your healing! Amen
12/1/2019
You are powerful, Faith it. Hello ALL,
welcome to Carolyn Writes, if you've never been here before, I just wanted to first say HAPPY DECEMBER! I do want to be sensitive however, because as was the case for me last year...December was hard. Sometimes, the holidays aren't so merry and bright for us all due to loss of loved ones. However, I want to give you hope this holiday that it does, indeed, get better. My great-grandmother, who raised me, died last year and because Christmas is such an important holiday for my family and I, it was certainly hard to believe that she wasn't with us. I am so attached to my family that I can't imagine "Christmas without the ones I love", like the old Christmas song by the O'jays. December, January, February...etc., are times of the year that come and go and come again. However, these times of the year do not have authority over you, or your ability to break the cycle of depression you may experience. I used to really count on sunshine, and if the sun wasn't shining I'd get sad. Upon research I did discover that is called Seasonal Affective Disorder. However, once I really began to fellowship with God, especially in my low moments I realized that He is here for me no matter what season or the weather. The more I fellowshipped, the more I realized that Jesus could lift me up no matter the circumstance, before I knew it, I began to walk in my authority in Christ, and realized that it (my authority in Christ), does not depend on my emotions. I can pray down rest upon my heart, and focus on Jesus. It may seem weird to some of you, or "over spiritual" but it isn't. It takes only one word...FAITH. I LITERALLY believe the words and demands on heaven that I make when I pray and what God says in His Word. This is why I present it back to God when I am trying to leave behind dull emotions or rotten attitudes, (I must mention to do this you have to confront what's going on with you, it doesn't mean that you stay in it though). It may not be that way every single time, because of my level of willingness (pride) at times, but when my heart is open, I can receive what's in God's hands more readily and began to heal or get better at whatever it is. I've literally seen God protect me in the darkest situations, I've seen God provide for me in the most insufficient moments and I've heard the voice of God in the weirdest scenarios. God is still God in December, January, March...through EVERY DAY AND MONTH OF THE YEAR. He is the Alpha and Omega! The Bible says in Isaiah, "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done", [Isaiah 43:13]. That is one of my favorite verses because it reminds my flesh that God doesn't have an end, He created time, He is above time. What does that mean for me? It means that I have access to Him and His Holy Spirit to empower me through EVERY DAY. This isn't something that I can convince you about, this is something you either believe or not. I pray that if you haven't come to this revelation that you will, in Jesus' name. I hope that this has encouraged you and reminded you of how much more powerful you are in the spirit than in your flesh, you have to keep it touch with God to tap into that power though, and over-power your flesh when it wants to drag you back to depression or suicide. I've been there and I know what it is like to kill the thoughts that try to kill me, I began having suicidal thoughts at 12 years old. I know the battle, but believe me I know the VICTORY as well. No matter what your facing this holiday season, BE ENCOURAGED AND LOVE WELL. Encouraging You Always, Carolyn This post was written before the blog's name changed to, With Love, Carolyn in 2023. |
AuthorI am Carolyn McKnight, Woman of God. |